I used to be married to a woman. Before that I had had a relationship with a man. I then had another relationship with a woman, and I since then have had relationships with men. I still would define myself as bisexual partly because that’s how I feel but also because I think it’s important to — I think sexuality in this country especially is seen as a very black and white thing, and I think we should encourage the gray. You know?
I don’t go around in my life thinking, “Oh, my God, I’m going to have to have sex with a woman soon because I said I was bisexual!” … It’s like saying you’re straight or you’re gay — it’s just what you are, and whatever you’re doing in your life it runs obviously parallel, but it’s kind of secondary to how you are inside. That’s how I’ve always felt, and I still do, even though I’m very happily married to a really amazing man and wish to be so for the rest of my life.
This quote is a great reminder of how easy it is to erase people who are bisexual or pansexual and in long term relationships. Two of the most lovely bisexual ladies I know both experience this: one is bisexual, married to a woman, and has kids—most assume she’s lesbian because she hasn’t dated men since college, but she’s confident in her bisexuality. The other just got married not long ago to a man and is a proud bisexual advocate—but finds explaining that her husband hasn’t ‘turned her straight’ really, really annoying (he finds it just as annoying).